Inspired Going Through It Guide
My dear inspired.worlder
If you’re reading this, like me right now you’re really going through it. I want you to know you’re not alone and this too shall pass.
I’m a big advocate of emotional intelligence and of not ignoring our feelings. As someone who has a tendency to have my head in one place but feel completely at odds with this emotionally, I know the danger of suppressing my feelings.
Yet I’m also wise enough to know our feelings aren’t always real. The feeling of doom, of impending disaster can be driven by ignoring something important that matters….equally these feelings of doom can arise for no real reason and need to be acknowledged and soothed rather than believed.
For all ‘big’ feelings its good to ask ourselves:
What might I be ignoring that I need to attend to?
What am I not listening to that I need to hear?
What else is going on right now?
Identify and take action - or realise that nothing needs to be done other than self soothe.
Also I remind myself of key wisdom from the world of neuroscience (Seven Lessons on the Brain is one of many sources)
Just because we feel it, feelings don’t make it true.
Just because we think it, that doesn’t make it true.
So here follows 5 principles of What Helps When Going Through it - one for each finger - easy to remember:
Principle 1: Doom has it’s own gravity. Escape it by doing something equally hard that you love that makes you feel better.
Principle 2: When things get really bad - rebaseline, don’t just lower the bar - reset. When shit gets real, the basics become really hard so focus on these:
Make your bed
Fold your clothes
Shower
Choose how you show up: hair, make up, clothes
Move your body / get fresh air
Eat protein & veg
Principle 3: “I’m here to cross the swamp: not fight the crocodiles”
What’s MOST important to you? Focus only on that
Principle 4: Keep moving forward, No matter how slow or how small
Decisions, action proactively reduces stress & anxiety
Principle 5: Lean into healthy processing and self soothing
- What’s your go-to ways to process? I share some ideas below
Talk to a friend
Journal out how you feel; what you recognise is going on, what meaning you’re making
Speak to an objective professional eg therapist, counsellor or coach
Reflect either by journaling or thinking through:
What is making this hard?
What pattern(s) do I notice?
How else could I handle this?
What if I didn’t take this seriously?
Recognise you can’t always think your way out of it - and go move instead
- What is healthy self-soothing for you? I share some ideas below
Giving ourselves time we need alone (but not too much)
Socialising with a person or people who really matter to us
Let our loved ones hug us - yep ask for ones
Lightening up
Playfulness
Massage, steam, sauna, swimming
Sweaty exercise
Hiking
Healthy food, taking time for food prep
Lean into mantras: short phrases that help, like my favourites:
All is well; everything is working our perfectly; I am loved
This too shall pass
I don’t know why, but so often these things become so very hard when we are going through it. As our inner resources drain, we are instead pulled to isolate ourselves, eat crappy food that raise our physiological stress levels, seek to numb our feelings with social media scroll holes and perhaps drugs and / or alcohol.
Rather than judge yourself harshly, use these as red flags that help you recognise when you’re climbing the mountain and need self care.
I know I’m not the only one who often thinks “I’m fine, this should be easy” and yet I find myself suddenly craving biscuits, find it hard to eat healthy and as someone sober since 2007 crave the release of being high. That’s when I know - ah, these are actually hard yards for me and I need to take care of myself right now.
This kind of hard earned self awareness is priceless and while we still experience the raw pain and discomfort involved in going through it, this self awareness saves us from making it so much worse and longer for ourselves as we go through it.
Despite all appearances my dear ones, all is well; everything is working our perfectly for our growth and yes you and me we are loved. This too shall pass in time, in not so much time…
Do reach out, don’t struggle and suffer alone. We are all in this together 🙂
With love, your coach
Sam
